Pappa wants mamma naked
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
