Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
