porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
