Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
