I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
