ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We need to get me chipped asap
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize