So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
