I want to walk on stilts...naked
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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