GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
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I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
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Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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