hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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