I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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