i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
