Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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