No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
