I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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