I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
