i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
