Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
