I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
