I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
vagina is talking i cant
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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