Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
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