Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
