I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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