I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
