Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
