Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
