Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
