I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
