well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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