those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
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he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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