The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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