watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
