addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
