At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
