Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
