He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you will always have a special place in my vag
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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