I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
