there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
