I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
