If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
