Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
