If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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