God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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