so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
