You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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