I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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