You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
