One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize