I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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