she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
