you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
