Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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