Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You're a waste of cheezeits
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
