I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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