it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So here I am, sexting at work.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
