You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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