Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
