It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
