o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
