i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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