he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
