I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
