I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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