i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
