How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
