So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
