Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
